Post politics jokes and elclectic thoughts

The federal election is now over, it's time to lighten up a bit. This is a post for you to place jokes and eclectic thoughts. It's open to all subjects, not just politics. In fact the less politics the better.


We haven't had a post like since JESTS JOKES AND JOLLITY by JAN (nothing serious allowed) and Jan's one rule was to comment nothing that will make us frown.






To start off I'm copying this comment by Peter from the Open Thread.
Some little gems that I came across.

We hang petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
~Aesop, Greek slave & fable author

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
~Plato, ancient Greek Philosopher

Politicians are the same all over.
They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev, Russian Soviet politician

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
~Quoted in 'Clarence Darrow for the Defense' by Irving Stone.

Politicians are people who when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton, American actor/writer

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Ameringer, "the Mark Twain of American Socialism."

I offered my opponents a deal:
"if they stop telling lies about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about them"
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952..

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~Texas Guinan. 19th century American businessman

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be
left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle, French general & politician

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city…
it might be better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson (English middle-distance runner who won gold medals at the 1924
Olympic Games in Paris, 1902-1981)

JESTS, JOKES AND JOLLITY

JESTS JOKES AND JOLLITY by JAN
(nothing serious allowed)
I wish that I could write a poem or a witty piece of prose
But all that comes is doggerel which is somewhat on the nose.
I miss the place where we used to post exclusively for fun
Where nobody posted worries about the stuff that bothers everyone.
Where the jokes were hectic and eclectic in a column owned by Bro.Al
Where we liked to post our funnies, and it all went very well.
However, now we are on EG the format is of different kind
And Al’s eclectic site is plagued by the problems on folk’s minds.
John Miko said “C’mon Jano have a go” when I lamented the loss of fun.
So, “Jests, Jokes and Jollity” is what I’ve gone and done.
Now beware all those who would dare to post things to make us frown,
For I will ask the lovely Dale to moderate and take it down.

 

Image sourced from Fotonomy

 

 

Thanks Jan, who was saying they couldn't write, that's a brilliant little introduction
Everyone Jan has set the rules for this discussion, Jest, Jokes and Jollity, nothing that makes us frown.
Cheers,
Dale

Advice from an old Farmer

Sourced from Friend a Farmer facebook page

Take a little good Advice from an old Farmer:



Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

... Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered... not yelled.

Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

 


Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

Don't judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life... Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

Don 't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around..

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.
Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.